Tuesday, 8 December 2009

Local Quackery

You would have had to have your head buried deep in the sand to be unaware of the current economic situation around the country. A general feeling of doom and gloom that pervades the financial news,

reflected on the high street by the loss of some old friends. My own local shopping area has said goodbye to Woolworths, Adams Clothes, Salisburys and others. What might spring up to fill these commercial voids? Something that reflects the needs of the community of Bearwood perhaps. Well, lets have a quick peek at the new shoots of revival in the area.

We have an ever expanding number of fast food outlets. Don't get me wrong, I am as partial to a kebab, burger or dodgy saveloy as the next drunken carnivore on my way home from the pub. Such a plethora of choice could be seen as a bonus I suppose, bit I can't help thinking that ten such places within a short high street might be a bit of overkill. Still onwards and upwards with our expanding waistlines and diminished nutrition.

Once out of the pub though there may be no need to stop drinking. I noticed an application for a 24 hour off licence on the High Street yesterday. Just the ticket when you've finished your last pack of Tennents Super and you need something to see you home after buying your Not Exactly Kentucky Fried Chicken.

But never fear! The alcohol imbibing, junk food eating residents of Bearwood are being offered a chance to buy their way back to health. We now have a Holland and Barratt providing at remarkabley reasonable rates all sorts of potions, pills and quackery for the less discerning consumer. Just what you need when you have a vague feeling of not quite rightness that modern medicine can't seem to help you with.

There is one other recent opening that I have been intending to blog about, and will possibly be the subject of future blogs. A naturopath has opened up virtually on my doorstep. For anybody unfamiliar with naturopathy it is a collection of unproven, worthless pseudo-medical mumbo jumbo. It incorporates everything from iridology, mad diets, homeopathy and herbal preparations. Your first consultation will cost you £60 for the hour and should it be deemed necessary subsequent half hourly visits will be £30 a go. Of course any herbs, homeopathic remedies or other placebos will cost extra.

I'm sure that the treatment will be good and fully medical as there is a picture of a stethoscope on the sign. Also the personalised registration plate on the very smart sports car parked out side has been styled to read "The Dr". Perhaps he' a science fiction fan? Have a look at what is on offer at:


1 comment:

  1. Homeopathy can indeed be very dangerous, which is why I always dilute a miniscule amount of it in a larger quantity of science, shake and repeat, until there's no trace of the original treatment left, before ingesting it in perfect safety from any nasty side effects.